We’ve all had that moment: watching your child’s face crumble when something they’ve poured their heart into falls apart. Maybe it was a tower they built all morning, a game they were excited about, or a test they wanted to ace. To us, it might seem like a small thing. But to them? It’s everything in that moment.
And yeah – it hurts to watch. But the silver lining? These are the moments where confidence is built, not broken. Here’s what’s helped me (and might help you too) when your child faces a tough blow:
1. Let Them Be Upset
Seriously. Don’t brush it off with a quick “You’re okay!” or “It’s not a big deal.” I know it comes from love we want to make them feel better right away. But honestly? Just sitting with them in their feelings, saying something like:
“That really stings, huh?”
or
“I can tell you’re really disappointed”
goes such a long way.
They don’t need a fix in that moment. They just need to know it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling.
2. Tell Them About Your Flops
Kids kind of think adults have it all figured out. So when you admit that you’ve messed up too, whether it’s failing a test, losing a game, or just falling flat on your face, it’s oddly comforting for them.
I still remember telling my kid about the time I forgot all my lines in a school play. They laughed so hard, but it also helped them not feel so alone in their own “fail.”
It’s not about having a perfect answer. Just being real with them makes a difference.
3. Help Them Try Again Their Way
Remember the scene in “If Our Castle Falls” when the big block tower crashes, and instead of freaking out, Trinity says, “It’s okay. We can build it again – even stronger this time”? That line stuck with me.
When something falls apart, we don’t need to rush to fix it. We can just gently ask:
“Want to try again?”
or
“What do you think we could do differently next time?”
The point isn’t to make it perfect – it’s to show them they can start again. And that you’ll be right there while they do.
4. Celebrate the Little Stuff
Sometimes, after a setback, trying again is a huge win.
Did they give it another shot even though they were nervous? Big deal.
Did they go help a teammate or a friend, even while feeling low? That’s incredible.
We don’t need confetti or big rewards. A simple:
“Hey, I saw how hard you tried.”
Or a proud smile? That sticks.
It helps them see that who they are matters more than any result.
5. Remind Them They’re Loved, No Matter What!
This one’s big. Our world is so focused on winning, being the best, getting the gold star. But what kids really need to hear, over and over, is:
“I love you just as much when things go wrong as when they go right.”
When they know their worth isn’t tied to a score, a grade, or a performance, that’s when real confidence starts to grow. They stop being afraid of failing. They start learning from it.
One Last Thought
We’ve all had our own fallen castle moments—and yeah, they aren’t fun. But they’re also how we grow.
When we sit beside our kids in those moments—not trying to fix everything, just being there—that’s when they learn they can face hard things. They realize they’re strong enough to rebuild, and that they don’t have to do it alone.
Confidence doesn’t come from everything going right.
It comes from the messy, frustrating, imperfect moments…
and the choice to keep going anyway.